I wanna go swimming?

Ziggy wants to go swimming.

I've paid for private lessons. He has been taught by my best friend and someone who can bring him back if he stays under water too long.

He gets super excited any time we are around deep water, he wants to dive in head first and be one with the fishes.

I would love to allow him, but, he cannot swim. He thinks he can swim. He can't swim.

Who was kicked out of the water park? After paying 50.00 dollars for all of us to get in?
Who jumped in the deep end, not once but two times, forcing the little lifeguards to dive in after him?
Who wants to just sit in the pool all day, spinning in circles, for hours on end?
Who went to the ocean, and just sat in that dirty ass water with the biggest grin on his face?

Yes, my Ziggy did! But he still can't swim.
You know the movie, Finding Nemo? Well, I'm the dad. I'm running around trying to protect him from any danger. Real or imagined. I'm trying to ensure that he doesn't go out to the great beyond, where there is no bottom to touch and hazards all around.
Ziggy is my Nemo, defiantly going where I beg him not to go. Being independent and learning how to do things for himself, when I am NOT ready to allow that to happen.

I want him to be independent, without actually having to learn life lessons to do it. I don't want him to experience fear, pain or rejection. I've already gone through that for him, and it fucking hurts. So he's not allowed.

For instance, every time, every damn time, I go to the grocery store, there is a guy there who asks me if Ziggy can play football. Every time I tell him no. Finally I said to him, I don't think you have a suit big enough? He says, Yes we do, lil man can wear a suit. I said, No, for me. Because I will be on the field with him. He just shook his head and told me, There's another little kid on the team with Autism. I said, I don't believe you. He said, His mother is as protective as you. ( I read crazy) I said, Impossible. So he wants me to meet them. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. We'll see.

So, once again, Ziggy wants to go swimming. I'm going to take him to Texas for the weekend so he can get in my BFF's pool. Because, her I trust to keep him safe. I can't swim either. Who can save the both of us. If my baby jumps in, I'm going after him. And I'm strong when I'm scared. That would be three dead people in the pool....possibly four.